As human beings, we are very good at beating ourselves up! In fact, when we try to relax, I would go as far to say that our brains actually look for things to beat us up with… When I watch and listen to the women around me and indeed, observe my own thoughts, feelings and behaviours I think that the lockdown has amplified this in many ways.
Dropping the "big stick"
Our thoughts can lead to emotions like doubt, worry and overwhelm and these take up a lot of our energy if we allow them to, as they produce a feeling of struggle. We end up procrastinating, winding ourselves up into conflict, anger or crying which can last for hours, leading us to spiral downwards, face first into the chocolate/wine/shopping… [insert your favourite comfort here!]
We get so used to this pattern of behaviour, that it becomes normalised, comfortable and automatic to us, so we no longer “see it”. It gets programmed into our unconscious minds and every time we feel this way, our minds know what to do, so we just do it…
This automatic behaviour can be useful to us, until we decide we want to change something, and we try to stop. Things are OK for a while, but when our energy drops it can become a constant battle within. This battle gets exhausting and it can eventually lead to self-sabotage. This can then produce negative thoughts about ourselves, “I’m not good enough”, which then leads us to stress. Stress exhausts us further so we plummet more often into these negative behaviour cycles and we start to feel worthless and not in control. In other words, we get the “big stick” out.
How flourishing helps
Practicing a flourishing life helps with this, by running a new lighter programme of thinking in our mind. It is all about focusing on nourishing our energy and then choosing where we invest it on a daily basis. This helps us to drop the “big stick” and respect what our deeper human needs are without having to think too much. Basically, we get into our hearts and out of our minds.
Our thoughts are always darker when our energy is low, so taking steps to look after ourselves at this point, instead of beating ourselves up is always a good thing to do.
Next time you’re are reaching for the chocolate…here are just two questions to ask yourself so you can drop the big stick and nourish yourself back into your energy:
"How is my energy right now?"
Score it 1-5. 1 being – “I’m really tired and I just can’t do life today” to 5 – “I feel amazing and I’m ready to conquer the world!”…you will notice that when you feel a 4 or 5 you don’t want to self-sabotage!
"What could I do right now to lift my energy one notch?"
Listen to some music, dance while washing up, go out for a walk, cuddle the cat, make a cuppa, call a friend…. the list is endless. It’s about taking a small positive action to distract the conscious brain!
I encourage you to make a list that works for you and stick it on the fridge or somewhere you would normally go to indulge your favourite comfort for when your energy is low…it will help you to stop and think.
Take conscious control
If you do think “sod it!”, make it a conscious controlled choice. We all enjoy a little indulgence sometimes, and there’s actually nothing wrong with it! Just notice how you feel afterwards. It is called practising…you didn’t gain these behaviours overnight and you certainly won’t loose them that way either.
If you want to find out more and join a tribe of women practising raising their energy every day, then join us in the Flourish Tribe Coaching Community!
Sarah Jane Woods
Life Coach for Women
Sarah Jane is passionate about emotional health and the impact this has on the choices we make. She encourages women to unlock their emotions and lead from their heart. Through a combination of therapeutic change sessions, she gently motivates and empowers them to a state of self-awareness, energy, and balance so they can move on.
SJ says, “The world needs more confident women, and I am constantly held in awe of just how strong, resourceful and adaptable women are. I coach them to feel, respond and express their emotions in healthier ways. No matter what has happened to them, I see them build a deep sense of self belief so that they can achieve anything, and I am here to empower and guide them as they flourish into the next chapter of their life.”